Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
