i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
