dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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