The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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