I cockslap morals
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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