So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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