i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
