I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
