the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
