do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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