okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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