So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Barsexuality is the new black.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
