i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
