"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Please, let me fuck your mom
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
