dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
