I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
