You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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