I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You may now shotgun with the bride
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
