i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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