then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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