Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
