if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
