whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
