Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
