addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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