My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
