Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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