No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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