Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize