my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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