Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
