It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
