Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
