Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
