definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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