didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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