I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
