..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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