how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
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