Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
