Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
