Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
