Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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