shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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