kristin has been a bad kristin
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
