I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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