just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
