What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
