But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
