Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
