Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
