ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
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