Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
