Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
