maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
