If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Randomize
