My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
