I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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