toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
