On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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