drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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