Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
