btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
