I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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