So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
