So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
