Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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