Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
