I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
