Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
