A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
