yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I could fuck to npr.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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