Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
