I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
