If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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