so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
