He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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