their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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