Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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