he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
