You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
