Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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