just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
