I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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