found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize