At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
