It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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