after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
