In the future we'll all be gay
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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