There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
