fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
