David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize